“I’ve been here a year and can’t seem to make any friends. There’s a clique in the department and I can’t seem to break in….”
“My daughter has two friends. She just doesn’t associate with anyone but them. I worry about her and I think she’ll be lonely if she continues to keep others out.”
“My husband clams up in a crowd and is downright anti-social. But when we have our small group from church over for a BBQ, he’s the life of the party! Go figure!”
Relator: Friendships go deep.
Strengths: They are Selective and Exclusive
Are there people in your life who hurt your feelings because you can’t seem to get into their tight circle of friends? Maybe you’ve invited them over and over to activities, or to coffee, or to join in on projects but they just can’t seem to find time for you? Or maybe you see their Facebook pictures, and you see them with the same people, over and over and over again — yet, they can’t even met you for lunch? You may be frustrated by someone who is strong in the StrengthsFinder talent theme of Relator.
Relator: They Like it Deep
Those who are high in Relator like to hang with their gang. They love the intimacy, the depth, the richness of going deep with their closest friends and family. They may be slow to grow warm in friendship, as most of them believe it takes a long time for friendships to develop the depth that they’re looking for. They may have been friends with some they’ve known since Kindergarten! They’re not opposed to new people, but if you put them in a room with a group of associates, they are likely to gravitate towards those they already know. When you become part of their “inner circle,” you’ll never be out, unless a betrayal is involved. Those with Relator can be devastated when betrayed because the wound goes so much deeper. They share secrets, dreams and their inner most thoughts with their besties! And if they are separated through time or space, they have the ability to pick up exactly where they left off, as if the years just melted away. They often develop friendships that last a lifetime.
Relator: Lifelong Friendships
They Need Authenticity
My daughter, Laura, is strong in Relator. Our family moved six times during her childhood, and as a result, she was forced to make new friends wherever we settled in next. Our experience of her over the years has been to watch her cultivate a single, deep friendship in every town we lived. One. Oh, she had plenty of acquaintances due to our lifestyle. But at every event or activity, she could be spotted in the corner with that one friend. Every time they met, their relationship added another layer of context, another story, another adventure. Step by Step, they grew more transparent and authentic, sharing secrets and experiences. And now, years later, she still reaches out and connects to most of them.
Love Your Relator
The next time you encounter a Relator, ask yourself: Where do we need care that goes deep and personal? Where can they serve where they have the time to invest in building relationships?
For all your StrengthsFinder needs, visit www.GallupStrengthsCenter.com.
Latest posts by Rhonda Knight Boyle (see all)
- Strengths Activation Show 60 – Guests Sakira Baez and Dr. Shauna T Sobers - April 5, 2019
- Develop Your Empathy Talent - November 23, 2018
- Develop Your Adaptability Talent - November 20, 2018
